HERE AM I; SEND ME

Extracted from Hudson Taylor in Early Years
by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor

It was the month of June 1849, when this definite apprehension of the atoning work of Christ changed the whole of life for Hudson Taylor. Henceforward he rejoiced in conscious acceptance with God, not on the ground of anything he could do or be, but simply because of what the Lord Jesus is and has done. “Not I, but Christ,” brought freedom, joy and rest. It was the turning-point in his experience, the commencement of a new order of things that little as he realised it at the time meant for him – ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know..

And now became apparent the unspeakable value of early training such as he had received, and years of steady discipline in a Christian home. He was in a position to make rapid progress. The Bible was no
strange book to him, but familiar territory, a land of promise waiting to be possessed. Prayer was no unwonted effort, but the Not currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.tural outgoing of a heart long accustomed to turn to God. There was much yet to learn, but mercifully there were few habits or memories of evil to erase. The Holy Spirit had, comparatively, a free field in his heart. And at seventeen years of age, all life was yet before him in which to spend and be spent for the Lord he loved.

It is a little difficult at this point to determine the exact order of the spiritual experiences that follow. They were of such importance, however, in the light of after-events, that nothing has been omitted, and it will readily be seen how true to life the record is and how encouraging to other far from perfect people.

Very manifest for one thing is the joy that overflowed those summer days, as Hudson Taylor realised himself to be indeed a child of God. He was happy. He found it a glad life, full of heart-rest and satisfaction. For “the Spirit himself heareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.” And the sweetness of this fellowship could never be forgotten. It embraced all who were dearest to him on earth. For he found that being right with God put things right with those around him. It restored the happiness of home, made him a better son and more useful assistant to his father, and deepened especially the love that bound him to the dear sister whose prayers for him had been unfailing. Well may we doubt the reality of any blessing that does not make us easier to get on with, sweeter and more loving, especially at home.

Another outcome of the change that had taken place was a longing every true child of God must know, the longing to give all in return for all that has been given. In the spirit of the Hebrew bondman this young heart cried: “I love, I love my Master, I will not go out free.” He longed for some work to do for God, some service that might prove his gratitude, some suffering even that might bring him into deeper fellowship with the Lord he loved. A leisure afternoon gave opportunity for prayer, and with this desire filling his heart he went up to his room to be alone with God. And there in a special way the Lord met him.
“Well do I remember that occasion,” he wrote long after, “how in the gladness of my heart I poured out my soul before God, and again and again confessing my grateful love to Him who had done everything for me – who had saved me when I had given up all hope and even desire for salvation – I besought Him to give me some work for Him, as an outlet for love and gratitude; some self-denying service, no matter what it might be, however trying or however trivial; something with which He would be pleased, and that I might do for Him who had done so much for me. Well do I remember, as in unreserved consecration I put myself, my life, my friends, my all upon the altar, the deep solemnity that came over my soul with the assurance that my offering was accepted. The presence of God became unutterably real and blessed, and I well remember stretching myself on the ground, and lying there before Him
with unspeakable awe and unspeakable joy. For what service I was accepted I knew not. But a deep consciousness that I was not my own took possession of me, which has never since been effaced.”

It was an hour that left its mark on life; an hour in which the soul began to apprehend “that for which also” it “was apprehended by Christ Jesus.” The lad who closed his door that day to be alone with God was a very different being from the lad who rejoined the family-circle some hours later. A purpose and a power possessed him, unknown before. He had given himself to God. His offering had been accepted. And though he knew not for what special service the Lord had need of him, he knew that he was no longer his own, and must be ready for the call whenever it might come.

One result of this definite consecration was that he began to care about the welfare of others. Hitherto he had been concerned chiefly with his own growth in grace; now he must be about his Master’s business, which was the salvation of those around him. He was not deterred by the fact that he could do but little, nor did he excuse himself on the ground of unworthiness. If he could not preach or lead a class as yet, he could at any rate give away tracts and invite people to the house of God.

Tracts were handed to all who would receive them, and the message of salvation simply given as opportunity offered. Even the poorest lodging-houses were not passed over. And though it cost an effort to go down those dark, Not currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.rrow passages into the crowded kitchens, they were more than rewarded by a sense of His approval whose they were and whom they sought to serve.

But joy in the Lord and in His service was not the only experience as summer passed away. There were also “times of painful deadness of soul and much conflict.” The heart that had so gladly accepted the finished work of an all-sufficient Saviour, now knew what it was to be “wearied and disappointed in its struggles with sin.” Somehow there seemed a gap between the power of the Lord Jesus to save “to the uttermost” and the needs of everyday life in shop and home. He found himself yielding to temptation, ease-loving, self-indulgent, and often disinclined for private prayer and study of the Word of God. Nothing can have been more real than his consecration; nothing plainer than the disappointment that followed when he discovered his iNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.bility to do and be what he would. It even seemed to make matters worse instead of better. For things that before would not have troubled him were now intolerable. He had given himself to God without reserve, longing to be always and only His. And yet he could not maintain that attitude. Coldness of heart crept in, forgetfulness, indifference. The good he longed to do he did not, and the evil he hated too often had the mastery. He did delight in the law of God after the inward man, but there was
that other law bringing him into captivity to sin with all its deadening influences. And he had not yet learned to cry: “Thanks be to God . . . The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.”
His soul was athirst for God, and yet an intense realisation of failure and unworthiness almost overwhelmed him. “Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to you” is a promise always fulfilled to the sincere and humble spirit, but how often the vision granted calls forth the cry, “Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips.”
Nor was this all.

Absorbed in his own need the lad was longing for true holiness, the life that is “no longer I, but Christ” in everything. The Lord with wider needs in view was seeking him for this, but not for this only. In His great purposes the time had come when the Gospel could no longer be withheld from the “uttermost parts of the earth.” ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know. even must be opened, and its most distant provinces gladdened with tidings of a Saviour’s love. There it lay in agelong darkness, its teeming millions -a quarter of the human race – living, dying without God. It was of ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know. the Lord was thinking, may we not say it reverently, as well as of Hudson Taylor. But the lad was not ready yet to hear the call, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” The work of the convicting Spirit must go deeper ere he could be fully blessed and brought into harmony with the mind of God. Thus his sense of sin and need became more intense as he wrestled for the deliverance without which he could not, dared not go on.
What was it that kept him from the life for which he longed? What was the secret of his frequent failure and backsliding in heart? Was there something not fully surrendered, some disobedience or unfaithfulness to light? Fervently he prayed that God would show him the hindrance whatever it might be, and eNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.ble him to put it away. He had come to an end of self, to a place where only God could deliver, where the must have His succour. His enlightenment, His aid. It was a life and death matter. Everything seemed at stake. Like one of old he was ;constrained to cry, “I will not let thee go except thou bless me.”
And then, alone upon his knees, a great purpose arose within him. If only God would work on his behalf, would break the power of sin and save him, spirit, soul and body, for time and for eternity, he would renounce all earthly prospects and be utterly at His disposal. He would go anywhere, do anything, suffer whatever His cause might demand, and be wholly given to His will and service. This was the cry of his heart; nothing held back – if only God would deliver him and keep him from falling.

Instinctively we pause and turn aside from a scene so sacred. The
place is holy ground. Of what transpired further we know no more, save or a few lines written when occasion required it in the following year. For he rarely referred to this experience, though all life lived it out.

“Never shall I forget,” he wrote, “the feeling that came over me then. Words can never describe it. I felt I was in the presence of God, entering into coveNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.nt with the Almighty. I felt as though I wished to withdraw my promise, but could not. Something seemed to say, ‘Your prayer is answered, your conditions are accepted.’ And from that time the conviction never left me that I was called to ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know..”

For distinctly, as if a voice had spoken it, the command was given:
Then go for Me to ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know..”‘

Silently as the sunrise over a summer sea dawned this new day upon his waiting soul. ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.? Yes, ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.. That was the meaning of his life -past, present, and to come. Away beyond himself, outside the little world of persoNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.l experiences, lay the great, waiting world, those for whom no man cared, for whom Christ died. “Then go for Me to ChiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.” Your prayer is answered: your conditions are accepted. All you ask and more, far more, shall be given. There shall be deeper knowledge of the Lord; fellowship in His sufferings, His death. His resurrection; a life of inner victory and power. “For to this end have I appeared unto thee, to appoint thee a minister and a witness both of the things wherein thou hast seen me, and of the things wherein I will appear unto thee; delivering thee from the people and from the Gentiles unto whom now I send thee, to open their eyes, that they may turn from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God.”

A little slip of paper tells the rest – all, that is, that can be told; a brief postscript to his letter written that very night, the outpouring of a heart so full that it must overflow.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me shout His praise! Glory to God, my dear Amelia. Christ has said “Seek and ye shall find,” and praise His Not currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.me. He has revealed Himself to me in an overflowing manner. He has cleansed me from all sin, from all my idols. He has given me a new heart. Glory, glory, glory to His ever blessed Not currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.me! I cannot write for joy. I open my letter to tell you.
Yes, it was done. From that day onward life was on another plane. The Lord had met him, satisfied his soul, and spoken again the sweet, compelling word, “Follow Me.” Outwardly it was manifest that a great change had come over him.

“From that hour,” the mother wrote, “his mind was made up. His pursuits and studies were all engaged in with reference to this object, and whatever difficulties presented themselves his purpose never wavered.”

For inwardly there was a deep subjection to the will of God, resting upon a profound and uNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.lterable sense of what that will was for him. And with this came new purity and power, a steady growth in grace, and fulness of blessing that carried him through all the testing preparation of the next few years.

“Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.”

That was what made him and kept him, the real beginning of his walk with God as a man set apart.