PART OF A YOUTHFUL TESTIMONY
Haywards Heath, 29.7.46.
My dear Uncle and Aunt,
Thank you for your kind letter. I have now read it once or twice and I shall always prize it.
My dear father has asked me to write a little to you and tell you a little of what I have to be thankful for. O that the Lord would guide my pen aright!
I had begun to go to God’s house to hear something for myself. O how I loved the place! If the doors had been open every evening I should have been there, I feel sure. A sermon preached by Mr. Charman, in which he described my exercises and longings so clearly, comforted me greatly, and when the last hymn was sung,
“Alas! and did my Saviour bleed?
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He lay down that sacred head
For such a worm as I?”
I felt He had laid it down for unworthy me, or He would not have given those desires, and it melted my heart to think that He should. Soon afterwards I relapsed into a period of carelessness and indifference but Oh, when brought to mourn over it, how unspeakably precious He became! How I loved His people and His precious word, especially the sweet song of Solomon. Oh, how I could say, “His mouth is most sweet; yea, He is altogether lovely.” I longed that He would, again and again, “kiss me with the kisses of His mouth.”
One day at my work during the holidays, He whispered, “My peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” How it made me long for the full assurance of that peace, that my countless sins were swallowed up in His blood! I believed He would give me it. The very next day I awoke with the words, “Where I am, there shall also my servant be.”
I had a sweet assurance that He would take me, poor servant that I felt to be, with Him at last.”
“If Thou, my Jesus, still be nigh,
Cheerful I live and joyful die,
Secure when mortal comforts flee,
To find ten thousand worlds in Thee.”
I also felt blessed in hearing a sermon preached by dear Mr. F. L. Gosden at Scaynes Hill on Song of Sol. 1.7,8. “Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, etc.” I felt able to join in,
“O thou whom my soul lovest.” Soon I became more and more exercised about sin, fresh and past. It troubled me that I so continued to sin, but I was very glad Paul had written, “The good that I would I do not; but the evil that I would not, that I do.” Other blessed seasons came at times. After a service, coming down the road, the word came with power, “For your sakes, he became poor.” I had a blessed assurance that He had become so poor for me. O to feel all my sins washed away in His blood! “Wash me and :I shall be whiter than snow.”
But these were now rare seasons. More often by far I was oppressed with my vilness. Sure
I am there never was a sinner like me or ever will be. Unbelief, pride, rebellion, anger, and many others, dreadful sins against His love.
One blessed evening I felt this vileness very acutely, but Oh what sweet liberty in confessing it! I was then eNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.bled to do what I had never dared before, to wait upon Him for a word. It came, “I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” I was then certain that it was this wonderful lovingkindness which had drawn me to Him. Then I was eNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.bled again to wait upon Him in the same way and He spoke,
“Thou art all fair, my love, there is no spot in thee.” Immediately my sins were gone and
I was completely clean. How can I ever describe how I felt then? I was led to see that
His death at Calvary had put away all my guilt for ever behind His back. I was filled with wonder, love and praise. How I cried, “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy Not currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.me.”
Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him, ye creatures here below,
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.”
Never shall I forget that night. I fell asleep under His felt approving eye. I awoke the next morning, clean and spotless in His righteousness. Soon I became exercised about His ordiNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.nces. I felt the words, quoted several times in sermons I heard, “Follow me,” to be spoken to me. I told Him how unworthy I was. He said, “Thou art all fair, my love, there is no spot in thee.” I told him I feared I would be a disgrace to His Not currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.me and leave Him. He said, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.” It made me cry, “O Lord, keep me from presumption, keep me from disobedience. If I am to come, make it very clear to me.” At times how I fought against it!
Then one Wednesday evening dear Mr. Curtis gave out for his text Judges 5:11: I read the text through twice, and as I read it the third time it came with great power, “They that are delivered from the noise of archers in the places of drawing water, there shall they rehearse the righteous acts of the LORD, even his righteous acts towards the inhabitants of his villages in Israel.” I felt I had to come forward, even though such a poor villager.
Then during the service the tempter came and told me I was deceived, it was not meant for me, and I begged the Lord to give me a confirmation during the service by eNot currently available. If you have a copy of this item please let us know.bling Mr.
Curtis to speak about baptism. He closed the Bible but just before he sat down spoke most sweetly about it. I had to come forward. I was sweetly confirmed, as I prayed to be, the following Sunday when Mr. Swan read the words, “For this is not a vain thing for you; for it is your life.” I felt it was mine, all I wanted, to feel His presence. Soon the tempter came and tried, it seemed, every token I had ever received. At times I felt I would never be able to speak a word before the people, but before the service there was a blessed calm. Also when much tried, feeling I could live no longer without Him, how I prayed He would give me another token of His love, telling Him I felt I could not live without Him. And when reading
His word the words come with such sweetness and power, “Even so, (O even though the tempter is allowed to try you, even though you feel so cold and lifeless!) it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.” I knew then that even unworthy and sinful though I was, and the least of all His people, that even such an one would never be lost. It made me cry, ”Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.” I felt His presence and liberty at the meeting, a sweet peace before and since. I feel very near Him. Oh to be with Him for ever!
“To Jesus the Crown of my Hope,
My soul is in haste to be gone.
O bear me, ye cherubim,up
And waft me away to His throne.”
The past Sabbath I felt He whispered very sweetly, “Son thou art ever with me and all that I have is thine.” He is still unspeakably precious.
“None among the sons of men
None among the heavenly train
Can with Jesus now compare,
None so sweet, and none so fair.”
Satan is allowed to try me but little. I feel I can die tonight, if His will, “complete in Him.” “I am persuaded he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.”
“Haste, my beloved, and remove
These interposing days.
Then shall my passions all be love
And all my powers be praise.”
Psalm 30 expresses my feelings well. I cannot often, O very seldom, write like this. I hope I have not wearied you. Pardon me if I have. May the Lord mercifully forgive everything amiss. Please give my warmest love to all your dear children.
Yours in sure and certain hope of a glorious resurrection,
Your unworthy nephew,